A Look Back! Same but Different?
Some struggles seem to linger for YEARS! But God is so sovereign. The first section of this blog was written back in March of 2020. I hadn’t published this article, but I recently re-discovered it and thought it would be awesome to add some current thoughts!
In moments of difficulty and pain, it’s usually a completely breaking realization to be reminded that our ways are not God's ways. Yet this realization is life- giving.
I can say with absolute certainty that I would never have signed up to walk through some of the situations to which I have been called, had I been given the choice or foresight to have known what was coming. I will also say that many times I have not walked through pain or difficulty with grace or dignity. God has had to sit with me in my failings until I have taken one step, just for me to complain and break down in another pool of self pity. But He still sits with me. He doesn’t get sick of me; He is so good.
God is picking you. God’s present hand is leading you every time, every day! God is establishing. God is developing and installing and preparing and redefining and humbling our hearts.
And right in the middle of all of His explosive goodness, God also says no. God allows it to hurt sometimes.
To use a personal example: I prayed for a year to make varsity tennis. I practiced for a year to make varsity tennis. I worked and prepared and thought I had earned it. But God said no, and allowed my situation to turn out differently than I had wanted. When I tried to hang my worth between my abilities and failures, I fed into a lie that so many of us face - “you're not good enough because you fell short again.” I felt so let down, but in all of it I came to a clearer understanding of who God is and where my worth is fastened. I also understood that I was loved even when, in my eyes, my dream was smashed.
On my drive back home from my disappointing tryouts, I felt God reassuring me but also giving me choice in the way I wanted to respond. I could step into the situation at hand with peace and the willingness to move forward, or I could wallow in pity. (I did wallow for a while and wasted some precious time being selfish). Through this situation I truly felt and saw the nature of God: a quiet voice that didn’t yell or shout and blow up in my face when I failed; a voice that gently whispered to my heart “ I define you- not tennis.”
Looking back at my tennis tryouts, I am now able to see how important it was for God to remind me of what matters and where my value should be planted. I love tennis and find so much joy in playing, but my value, worth and purpose all rest in Jesus Christ defining me.
While my tennis story serves the purpose in making my point, I will bring some deeper, more painful, and out-of-our-control situations under examination as well. Divorce. Death. Eating Disorders. Abuse. God still defines you, loves you, treasures you, and chooses you. God deeply values His creation (nature, science, beauty, animal life), but for you, the person made in His image, He would die for you. Without any conditions. He actually already did. Matthew 10:29-31 gives us a simple glimpse of how precious you are. (that's a goooood one)
I hope to encourage you, that if you are hurting or trying to prove yourself to the world, please know: The world does not define you. Jesus’s unchangeable love for you defines you- and nothing (not even you) can change that definition.
When I read this story from back in high school, I am still encouraged and reminded to place my worth in Christ, even today (all the way after finishing college)! It’s crazy to think about how I am such a creature of pattern. When I forget why I am here on earth (to love God and be loved by Him), I very quickly decompensate back into the destructive habits that have a way of dragging me back into old patterns of sin. Just this past month, I have deeply struggled with what my personal value means in relation to my job/work. When I am not spending daily time in scripture, prayer and community, I almost instantly start to define myself by my successes and mistakes at work. The same can be true of other areas in life too- financial positions, academic and athletic achievements, relationship status, and even success in friend groups.
Practical tip: Find accountability. Personally, this has looked like purchasing a Bible reading plan and working through daily prompts and passages. I have literally had to restart this reading plan four times, so I am by no means perfect at this. But I will say, having a tangible reminder of what you know to be true is so important.
I would also encourage you to seek out community and study God’s word together. It was super hard for me to find people during college; just starting in on your own relationship work with Jesus, just the two of you, is not to be diminished at all. However, when you are facing trials, it is so refreshing to have a friend and a community to lean upon.
If you are in need of community, I would encourage you to attend a local youth group, young adults group, or small group gathering in your area. The key is to keep going. When I decided to get serious about finding community, I had to relinquish a LOT of pride. I made an agreement with myself to just show up every week, even if I thought everyone there didn’t want to be my friend. Because surprisingly, when I continued to show up, people brought me in and did want to be my friend. Even crazier, so many other people felt just as lonely and isolated and scared putting themselves out there; when you choose to be kind and potentially vulnerable, you might find that other people relate to your genuine desire to find connection.
I plan to eventually write more about my journey to finding community and the tole that isolation took on me. Until then, I would encourage you to take the next step, put yourself out there, show up, and just try. Do not give up on praying for Godly community. It took longer than I was hoping for, but the friendships I now have are so sweet; God’s timing in our stories is impeccable.
Finally, if isolation is becoming a dangerous cliff edge for you, tell someone right now. Do not accept the lie that you should be alone, or that you are not loved. Those are lies from the pit. You are irreplaceable. You are so loved and so wanted. I may not know you personally, but I want you here. And more importantly God wants you here. God actually doesn't want anything from you from a performance perspective. He just wants you, exactly as you are in this very moment. You were made for more than online friendships, and follower lists. You were made for more than performing for others. You were made to rest in love. And that is exactly what the gospel is. Matthew 11:28.
